I am not even sure where this rather sudden desire to do a through hike came from, but here are some of the reasons! Fingers crossed 9 times I make this vision come true.
No. 1 - Desire for adventure.
Why do I want to do it? Well, firstly I think the reason why I wanted to go in the first place, which is basically that it sounds fricking fun and I will have a cool story to tell, has already morphed into richer, more meaningful reasons.
I have been thinking about changing to a new job or perhaps even trying a completely new career at the end of 2020, not that I have anything major against my current job, it's just that there is a niggle, you know?. The niggle being - there is something about this currently life path that just isn't aligning with me the way it should. So, combine the prospective time for potentially changing career paths, with a long standing desire to travel, and a concurrent realisation that a through hike is a thing... and VOILA! The synergism of those 3 things ultimately yielded my big goal to walk for a long time. When I break it down for myself, really, I strongly suspect that both that rather unsettling little niggle, and my romanticising of travelling, are ways my brain is trying to manifest its desire for adventure.
I am not even sure where this rather sudden desire to do a through hike came from, but here it is and I plan on making the this vision come true.
No. 2 – Homesickness.
Embarrassing as it is to say, but I suffer from the ache that is home sickness, constantly. The end of my degree, which was a magnificent 5 years abroad in the big town of Perth, marked the day I planned to return home to New Zealand. Unfortunately/fortunately my other half walked into my life 6 months before my intended date, on which I was board a plane, and start my life as a proper adult in Aotearoa. I ended up staying with my, now fiancé, but I can honestly say that my brain is still actively trying to find a way to return home. (No, he cannot move with me as he is involved in a Perth-based family business, and nor do I believe he has a strong desire to move across the ditch; I believe that is fair though, and I bare only a minor portion of unnecessary and ever decreasing resentment towards the situation, haha). Combine reason why no. 1 with homesickness as the catalyst, and why would I not want to spend a few months intimately involved with my home country.
No. 3 - Who the hell am I?
Look, I have no idea who the F$#% I am. I am scared to tell people what I think. I always seem to go with what someone else wants to do, even when I pick, I try to pick what I think someone else wants. I'm not even sure what I feel 90% of the time, and honestly, the only emotion I am good at recognising when it's happening in my body, is anger. Exactly what bits of life I like - that I am not sure of either. I swing between wanting everything fancy and all the money, to despising it and dreaming of simplicity.
I know I have been under the influence of my family, my friends, and my partner, my entire life. This is by no means a shot at any of those extremely valuable and appreciated parties in my life, but I know that I have to do something solo, for me and me only. I know now more than ever I have before, that I need to figure out my values and critically decide what gets my soul fired up in this moment of my life. I need these things assessed and documented, so I can help myself make decisions that may bring fulfilment to the next period of my life.
No. 4 - Biological ticking time bomb.
I am not even 100% sure I want children, but what I do know is that as a lady in her mid-20s, my biological clock is ticking and at some point, I will probably get the inevitable: it's-time-to-have-babies brain. I have to be realistic and open about this to myself, small children will make this impossible for quite a period of time. It's quite a few years before one could even consider taking them on an adventure like this. Not to mention, that if I want to do this in order to grown and get closer to knowing who I am, would it not be so much more beneficial for my conceptions?
So, I am ultimately looking EXTREMELY forward to see how my reasons for wanting to walk the length of NZ keeps evolving, and the even more so, how the reflection of what the adventure was like, who I became, what I learnt, is going to be.
No. 5 - The one thing I know I like.
I always have loved being outside, close to nature. It's an incredibly restorative pastime.
HERE I COME NZ, YOU STUNNING CHUNK OF DIVERSE COUNTRY.